The one thing studying in an elitist private high school as one of only six people of color and being broke and under scholarship taught me is that we dont fight the system. We make the system fight itself while benefitting us. Here are a few examples
This girl, lets call her Sara and her minions. Sara was committed to letting me know she was wealthy and i wasnt, except she did it in that nice girl im just being friendly and sharing my life im not bragging this is just my reality and im being inclusive so you dont feel left out. So this one time Sara is letting me know of her summer plans at her summer home in that tropical island with a private beach and you know it has like sooooo many rooms and omg we just drive around and sometimes i do my friends shopping its just you should help when you can you know its just nice and i casually dropped ‘ohkay ill get a plane ticket for summer it will be so much fun together’ and she shoots me that huh look and i go 'oh sorry its just you keep saying you want me to feel included and you can pay for everyone and you wish i could see it but i get that you dont want to parade some little poor colored kid i just didnt think that mattered to you ’. Safe to say i had a great fully sponsored summer networking and fraternizing with some quality people and that was the last time that bragging thing happened and she HAD to play nice because thats what she had marketed herself as.
This other girl, we call her Allie. Relatively nice but in need of having me know she knows people. Gets annoying real fast like i get it. Anyway Allie is telling me of her friendship with a son of one of the most powerful names in the country. So i play 'riiiiiight if you say so’ and Allie goes no i mean it here ill text him and videocall him and i go riiiiight okay no i get you know him but are you sire youre that close? THAT close? Uh huh. so to prove a point Allie sets up a meeting with said boy on Friday and decides to drag me along so i can see for myself. Guess who got me my internship.
This toe looking Andrew Tate wannabe in my building that lets everyone know women should get married and stay at home and have kids. The other girs do that feminist debate that leaves them angry and disrespected. Anyway Toe Tate drops that shit on me and i go riiiiiiiiiight? Exactly. As a traditional, religious and conservative woman (i dress the part too) i get what you mean. Women need men. Do you know how hard it is to get my bags to my floor? This is mans job. After i finish my studies im getting married. No im in my first year actually. How long? Six years. No its just im an only child and if i dont get a bachelors my family will be shamed. My dads reputation means a lot to me. Of course ill be a stay at home mom. No my dad pays for this haha. No way boyfriends? Im traditional i cant have sex outside matrimony. No way’. So anyway now Toe Tate is Butler Tate that carries All my baggage for me, does all the heavy work in my apartment (for free), goes out of his way to care for me and sings my praises (and by association all his friends do the most for me) because he ReSPecTs Me knowing full well ill never put out while my sister and i have feminist conversations as i get my plumbing done.
My fineeeeeeee specimen of a boss who is also a sexist pig that abuses his power to coerce young employees into sex and hides behind this veil of a religious man that donates to charity and posts verses of his religious texts and a social justice warrior that publishes articles against people in power that abuse their employees. Sadly a lot of the other interns got tugged in by dangling the carrot of permanent employment and most of them dealt by resigning or speaking against him which is shootimg yourself in the foot your story will get buried by his new feminist article and this is the peoples picture perfect man and you cant afford to sue. When it was my turn in the slaughter room and the old 'You know i could make you a permanent employee ’ i did that weird 'feminine’ baby laugh predators fall for batting eyelashes and went “youd have to sign that on camera and hand me the original copy” and ALL HAIL performed femininity bc the dumbass actually did and kept postponing meeting alone when it was time to go out together i showed up in the most conservative yet feminine outfit ever and led the conversation to 'i love that youre a religious man. Truly. Most men these days dont get it. Always expecting sex but its sacred. Right? Sex is sacred. Husband and wife. Thats why im glad working with you. You get it. I love that you dont try things ugh i know those allegations against you were dumb. Look at you. Gentleman through and through. ’ and bla bla more bullshit like i wouldnt sin with him if he wasnt my boss and walked out of that date with a whole ass 'if youre ever ready for marriage im here’ (EW), a permanent employment and a man that rEsPecTs me because they just DoNt MaKe WoMeN liKe YoU anyMorE. Lol.
The point is to find the loophole and exploit it. Fighting a system thats protected by hundreds of years of indoctrination, kings and monarchies and billionaires and empires as some girl is a losing war. Youll end up ostracized and worn out wth no tangible results. If Princess Diana and Prince Harry and Elon Musk and Donald Trump failed what makes you think you can. If you really want to make a change do it underground otherwise in public drop the social justice warrior act and look out for your own interests.
That system meant to opress you. Make it your bitch. Make mommy proud.
As I do my scrolling, I have seen (and liked) many posts that go in depth about a hygiene routine however they’re all very…minimal. Unrealistic for most, dare I say. I only say that because though they may be useful for the ideal woman, a large percentage of women are beyond a standard hygiene routine and need something a bit more thorough. Myself being one of them.
Many women sweat fast which produce body odor rapidly. As our menstrual cycle approaches, body odor may become more pungent. Pregnancy may also produce pungent body odor temporarily and sometimes permanently. Remember, many women are still dependents (minors or college students) who are unable to change their diet yet your diet is an important factor towards production of your body odor.
This post is for my young ladies who may lack the privilege of having (parental) guidance for hygiene. Many of us like to downplay it as common sense, however I’ve personally experienced, witnessed with friends and worked with teens in poverty ridden neighborhoods who lack the knowledge of what many consider the basics of hygiene. In fact, many mothers are so envious of their daughters they sabotage them in that matter. This is real life.
This post also heals my inner teen because I was that teenager. Depression played a part. Parental negligence played a part. Lack of authority played a part.
Enough chit chat, here’s bullet points that you can screenshot and save for quick access in order to improve your hygiene to feel and smell as feminine as you are. This is a safe space:
African black soap has played a crucial part in stripping all of my body buildup unlike many body wash/bars of soap. It can irritate you, so I suggest purchasing diluted versions if you know you have sensitive skin. Otherwise, many beauty supply stores or African salon/shops sell African Black Soap.
Detoxing my underarms weekly with Aztec Clay, along with the t-zone (nose and center of forehead) of my face to minimize oil production on my face.
Cornstarch as a base before spraying deodorant to slow down the sweat. I use two drops of almond oil and lather my underarms up, apply the cornstarch (with a makeup puff? I forgot what they’re called lol yikes but wedge sponges work too) and seal it with my deodorant. You may want to put your shirt on first. This technique is similar to placing setting powder after your primer to keep your makeup from becoming dewy.
Wash bra and panties in the shower with me at night and when the AM hits I place them in the laundry. Sometimes the shirt I’ve worn if I need to.
Spray perfume on the arms of your shirt (CAUTION: If you have skin easily irritated, you may not find this tip useful.) Do not spray directly onto skin and instead spray within the underarms area of your shirt. Useful if you lift your arms often and are insecure about blowing a whiff regardless of if you have sufficient hygiene or not.
Keep wipes and dog poop bags in your purse: ladies let’s leave behind using solely tissue to freshen up after going to the bathroom. I’ve learned that many bathrooms don’t have garbage bins within the stalls or they’re only attached to the paper towel dispenser, so having dog poop bags that I can place my used wipes in has came in clutch.
Perfume/ Essential oil on dryer sheets in dresser or closet (CAUTION: FIRE HAZARD do NOT place dryer sheet with perfume or essential oils in the dryer. Can cause a fire especially with the old ass dryers y’all got). Also try this same trick if you bring a change of clothes to work/school to enhance the freshness.
A ziplock bag with a rag: If you work at a job that keeps you active and you cannot control your body’s reaction or you simply want to freshen up on your half hour break, this is a quick way to wipe away the sweat + natural buildup and remain smelling fresh. I’ve personally done this; it’s similar to a hoe bath.
You go to the bathroom, get you some hot water, you’ve already put African Black soap on your rag so it lathers up on contact, wash your arms/under boobs/intimate areas if you’re freshen up during your period (don’t use soap let alone the African one! You’re going to be burning jalapeño spicy), pat your clean area dry with a towel and proceed with your routine that may include cornstarch, deodorant and spraying body mist across your body. Ready to roll?
If your quick to sweat from your forehead, keep a scarf that you can use as a bandana/headband. I highly suggest these specific types below because you can easily manipulate it based on your outfit at the moment in need. I’ve worked at fast food, I’ve had to carry groceries, I’ve had to fight and sometimes the LAST thing you need is sweat getting in your eye (especially if you’re a fellow black girl. An edge control and sweat combo in the eye is not fun)
Activated charcoal in two ways: as an absorbant pad that can be placed as a sticker inside your clothing to avoid sweat stains or as a bath soak since charcoal contributes to expelling unwanted bacteria from your body which can be a factor behind your body odor.
I use these tips for my advantage and convenience. When I am going to an event that I know I will be photographed, I make sure I keep those underarm pads on me literally. I change my clothes at the gym often so I place perfumed dryer sheets inside a ziplock bag with my clothes so my perfume is not overwhelming but enhanced. My anxiety I’m not a fan on period cups when I’m out and about and cannot afford an accident, so I absolutely keep baby wipes and poop bags in my purse to dispose of my waste quickly and freshen up as I need to. It set me back $4 at Family Dollar…
Anyone and everyone should try these to make their lives easier. I hope this post was able to come across someone who needed this guidance because Lord knows I did at some point. Cheers to growth! 🕯🧿
